In today’s society being a single mom is becoming the norm. The absence of a healthy fatherly role model is the true pandemic. Toxicity within the parental roles is what’s suffocating our children. It behooves us as parents to love our children more than we may dislike or dare I say hate their father.
Becoming self-aware as a single mom
The way to become the best single mother is to be healed. If there are feelings that are a hinderance to the health and mental health of your child, you must be willing to do the work of healing yourself first. If we are not self-aware of any anger or resentment that we have towards our child father we may in fact project those feelings onto our children.
Learning to love again
There are several parents who were never showed how to love and/or any image they have of love is so skewed that brokenness is all the know how to express to their children. If this is the case, we as mothers must be willing to do the work of not only learning how to love and accept ourselves but, to love our children in the best way possible.
As Gary Chapman, the author of the Five Love Languages, love can express itself in a myriad of ways. Find your unique language and your child’s. Be willing to give it freely without expectation.
Forgiveness- A single mom’s best asset
It has been said that forgiveness is not so much for the other individual as it is for us. Is that true? Holding on to a grudge will never bring peace. The longer you hold on to it, the weight will become so heavy on your chest that eventually bitterness will be the only emotion you can express secondary to anger.
I have seen it time and time again where women will hate a man for years, project that same hatred unto her children and as a result the children grow up to be broken fragments in need of much prayer and therapy. Please know there is nothing wrong with either of those. We all need prayer and therapy but, what I am suggesting is that while our children are in their formative years, give them an example of forgiveness first hand.
There are some who will say I can never forgive him for the abandonment issues that are now raging in my life because of his actions. Some may say he doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. Others may even say it’ll be a cold day in you know where before he gets my forgiveness. Those claims may have a sense of validity to them however, how does that help you or your children heal?
Unforgiveness is like clutching two huge handfuls of marbles but at the same time desiring to clap your hands in excitement. Ahhh…. you’re going to have to let them go. When our hands are so tightly squeezed not only can we not clap, we can’t hold our children’s hand letting them know we are there for them every step of the way.