In this day and age many people still wonder if single moms are living that particular life style by choice. Unfortunately, many women are in those circumstances as a result of someone else’s choice.
We can NOT force a man to be a father! He will need to come to that conclusion all on his own. For some men the fears of being a good father may outweigh them actually being an active parent in their child’s life. In addition, there are some men who have created life “by accident”. They engaged in intimacy only for a “good time” and somehow a baby popped up.
On the other hand, we as women for the most part have total autonomy over our life and our bodies. If when you look at him and you take the time to get to know him and you DO NOT see potential for him to be a good father, please keep your panties up.
A Single Mom’s Choice
It is hard to determine the exact circumstances that surround every single mom. Many single moms desire their children’s father to have an active part in their lives and they want a fatherly role model. It is when the choice has been “stolen” a way that by default many, many women suffer the consequences of single motherhood.
To clarify “stolen” if a man turns his back on a woman whom he was intimate with because he does not want to be a father, what choice does the woman have? I understand that it “takes two to tango” yet, for the most part the burden of child rearing is left up to the mother.
I am aware there are healthy men who are an active parent in their child’s life, this article is not about them. This is to shed light on the women who are subject to short sighted assumptions once they have uttered the words “I am a single mom”.
How to Avoid the “Choice”
- Pray about whom you allow into your life to date
- Stop having premarital sex
- Date for more than chemistry and good vibes
- Don’t rush the dating process
- Look beyond the superficial
- Check your motives
Those are just a few ideas that can help you to avoid the life of being a single mom.
Acceptance of the Choice
The life of a single mom is so vastly complex it is hard to delineate all its components. To focus on the topic at hand, once the choice has been made either by default or an actual decision to be a single mom, acceptance is the best choice that a mom can make that will better her life as well as that of her children.
When you decide that you’re no longer going to solely focus on if the child’s father will be a part of your children’s life, peace will arrive. When you focus on being the best mom that you can be life does get easier.
If all your energy is spent on child support court and fighting with the new woman in his life your children will suffer.
We all know that financial support is necessary for your child. However, if after every 10-cent raise he receives, you’re on the courthouse steps demanding an increase in your monthly benefits, your focus has been clouded by anger or vindictiveness.
Allow God to come in an heal the broken places of abandonment. Only He can transform a broken heart. But we must be willing to let God in to our most hurtful, tender and bleeding places. It is through Him that we can encourage others who may be feeling the sting of single motherhood.