This may seem like an oxymoron however; many married women are living this as their reality.
What they thought would change after the “I do’s” remained the same.
There are two different sets of women who feel like they’re a married single mom, a mom who is married to the man who is biologically the child’s father but lacking in parental support or women who have married a different man other than the child’s father and they now have a blended family.
The role of a step-parent is one that needs a lot of focus and thought-out preparedness. Most women believe that the new man entering the life of their child will have the same love and devotion as they do and will magically step into the absent father’s place with little to no help or guidance.
Just as you, single mom, has had to learn the complex personality of your child, in the same way the step parent needs to have time to do the same. As mentioned in a previous post some single moms rush the relationship process because they want the “seat” of absent father filled and filled quickly.
It behooves single moms to look beyond the aspect of the new man simply being a good fit for the relationship. The more important question lies in if he a good fit as a parent? That is a question that is all too often over looked resulting in the detriment of many children.
There are several steps a single mom can take to ascertain the potential of a step-father.
Here are few:
Does the title of single mom out rank married?
Some men are quite comfortable in the position of “outsider”. They do not want the responsibilities of the fatherly role. They are secure in the role of husband (boyfriend role for some) and nothing more. This disposition will require a deep and open conversation. Explain to him that you are lacking support and find ways to come together to be a unified front. Your children will thank you for it.
Find out where the breakdown in the relationship between your child and your husband reside.
When we fail to acknowledge an issue, a resolution will never surface. Talk with your children, daily if necessary, and find what they’re missing from the new parent and decipher how those needs can be met. Most children will not hold back what they need and want, use that information for the betterment of your family.
Do you still feel like a single mom despite being married?
Do you awake each morning and feel the exact same way you did before you got married? Before I go any further, I know that there are several single moms who choose to have men around their children prior to getting married and he is in the role of “step-parent” this information applies to them as well.
Most single moms feel as if they have obtained a “big brother” for their child and not a father figure. When the feelings of “married single mom” comes to mind address it.
Contrary to belief men are not mind readers. If you are comfortable being silent and carrying the full burden of parenthood on your shoulders, you will continue in that role.
Don’t be angry and hold resentment for actions or better yet the lack of actions, when you’ve not made it clear how the family dynamics need to be adjusted for the benefit of all.
If you feel like you’re a married single mom, don’t suffer in silence.